it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
