Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to have your abortion
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
