Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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