He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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