I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
