I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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