at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
