Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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