over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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