It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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