What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
