i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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