She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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