This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just had sex bonerless
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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