She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
