When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
