what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
