Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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