worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
