We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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