Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
