in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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