That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
