"it" just moved
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
