She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize