I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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