I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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