I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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