He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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