dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize