Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
