He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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