So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
