I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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