just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
