This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
