She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize