I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
