I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
