Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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