I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
