I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize