quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
