Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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