im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize