At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
