I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
