put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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