I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
