I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize