I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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