apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
