I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
