guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
