I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
