She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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