If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
