yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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