That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
