i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize