This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
