yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
