Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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