literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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