you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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