drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
