i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize