Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
