you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I party with great urgency now.
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