Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
