it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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