Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
