i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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