Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
