mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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