8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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