I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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