wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize