I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
