I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
