So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
