I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
