i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
