it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
