The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
