when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
